i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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