dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
