using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize