I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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