There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
