I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
