bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
