Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
