My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize