Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
