If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
