Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
