The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
