I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
