overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dignity is for republicans.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
