I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Hippo gnu deer
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
