please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
