whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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