he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
