K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
