I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
