I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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