Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
