I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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