dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
