Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
