Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
