I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is the high leading the old right now
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
