we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
