oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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