What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
