just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
