it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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