Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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