I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize