would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
