guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
