you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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