Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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