I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
These tits shall not be calmed
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