She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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