Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
