Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize