Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize