My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
