Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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