Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
