I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
