Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
