her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
