I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
