Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i believe in u and ur pee
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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