I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
