Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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