I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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