watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
