I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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