While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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