I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
