'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
