so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
