Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
