Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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