i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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