My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize