if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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