Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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